With self-compassion, however, one is emotionally supportive toward both the self and others when hardship or human imperfection is confronted.”

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“Self-compassion involves being kind to oneself when confronting personal inadequacies or situational difficulties, framing the imperfection of life in terms of common humanity, and being mindful of negative emotions so that one neither suppresses nor ruminates on them.”

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An emotionally positive and compassionate self attitude to protect against the negative consequences of self-judgment, isolation, and rumination (such as depression).

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“Self-Compassion is being kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings, honoring and accepting your humanness: comprised of self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness. Self- compassion is valuing one’s own pursuit of happiness and aversion towards suffering, and behaving in accordance with those values; transforming negative thought habits, attitudes, emotional biases.”

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Self-compassionate persons, accepting both suffering and loss, allow themselves to non-judgmentally engage in self-appraisals rooted in warmth and kindness.

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Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having compassion for others. First, to have compassion for others you must notice that they are suffering. Second, compassion involves feeling moved by others’ suffering so that your heart responds to their pain (the word compassion literally means to “suffer with”). When this occurs, you feel warmth, caring, and the desire to help the suffering person in some way. Having compassion also means that you offer understanding and kindness to others when they fail or make mistakes, rather than judging them harshly. Finally, when you feel compassion for another (rather than mere pity), it means that you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience. “There but for fortune go I.” Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment? Self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect? “Self-compassion is an emotionally positive self-attitude that should protect against the negative consequences of self-judgment, isolation, and rumination (such as depression).”

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Vicariously experiencing, sharing, or mirroring another’s pain or emotion as if it was your own.

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Neff (2003a) developed this definition of compassion for others into a model of self-compassion, arguing that self-compassion can be viewed as compassion directed inward towards the self. She concludes that self-compassion consists of three principal components: kindness (being kind and non-judgmental towards the self rather than self-critical), mindfulness (which, like ‘distress tolerance’, involves holding painful feelings in mindful awareness rather than over-identifying with them), and common humanity (seeing one’s suffering as part of the human condition rather than as isolating).

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3 elements of self-compassion: 1. Self-kindness vs. self-judgment - Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism. Self-compassionate people recognize that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so they tend to be gentle with themselves when confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry when life falls short of set ideals. People cannot always be or get exactly what they want. When this reality is denied or fought against suffering increases in the form of stress, frustration and self-criticism. When this reality is accepted with sympathy and kindness, greater emotional equanimity is experienced. 2. Common humanity vs. isolation - Frustration at not having things exactly as we want is often accompanied by an irrational but pervasive sense of isolation – as if “I” were the only person suffering or making mistakes. All humans suffer, however. The very definition of being “human” means that one is mortal, vulnerable and imperfect. Therefore, self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience – something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone. 3. Mindfulness vs. overidentification - Self-compassion also requires taking a balanced approach to our negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. This equilibrated stance stems from the process of relating personal experiences to those of others who are also suffering, thus putting our own situation into a larger perspective. It also stems from the willingness to observe our negative thoughts and emotions with openness and clarity, so that they are held in mindful awareness. Mindfulness is a non-judgmental, receptive mind state in which one observes thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them. We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. At the same time, mindfulness requires that we not be “over-identified” with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negative reactivity.

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